Descendents - Fat EP

(Review) 7/27/07
Release Year: 1981

Everyone has the song that sparked their eternal interest in music, differentiating themselves from casual radio listeners, and submerging them into unexplored sonic territory. Mine was the Descendents’ “Weinerschnitzel,” an eleven-second musical trip to the drive-thru window that made as little sense to me seven years ago as it does now. While 3,000 miles away from home at a summer camp, a friend in the dorm came down the hall with two tiny computer speakers in hand, connected to his CD player and cranked to a maximum. I remember being told “Listen to this” as the lanky Quincy, who very much resembled Milo on the cover of several Descendents albums, played the track. When asked “Welcome to Der Weinerschnitzel may I take your order please?” the Descendents turn a simple ride to a fast-food joint into a ridiculous punk explosion. They respond with spurts of music, stamping each request of “Two large Cokes, Two large fries / Chili-cheese dog, large Doctor Pepper / Super deluxe, with cheese and tomato.” They’re then asked “Do you want Bill sperm with that?” They reply with a definitive “NO!” and the song is over.

Bill Stevenson is the Descendents’ drummer, and it’s likely an inside joke, perhaps involving mayonnaise. The reason I was so afflicted by this song is that it was completely different; I was used to oldies, Radio Disney, and ZZ Top, but I could not understand why someone would make a song that short and stupid. However, I was dying to hear the song again because I was confounded, and the fact that it was different than anything Art Laboe introduced to me also drove that urge. I would eventually wait until the end of summer until I finally picked up the Descendents’ Milo Goes to College, and the rest is history.

The Descendents’ Fat EP doesn’t really stretch to its length of five minutes, but what it lacks in length…really doesn’t matter. The EP contains the earliest of the Descendents’ work, as immature as ever, with a heavy bite at the end of its hooks. The honest and simple “I Like Food” stresses speed and hunger with a 17-second harangue. Although it may be too concise for its own good, its over the top delivery is fresh and delicious. The bottom line is that the songs are absolutely silly, borderline unnecessary, but indisputably original.

When the midget EP isn’t referring to food, “My Dad Sucks” and “Global Probing” handle adolescence and display the potential of the Descendents’ optimism that would work in full force on future songs like “Hope” or “Pep Talk.” The album’s greatest drawback is that it sounds unbalanced. The guitars are overtly loud, emphasizing the poor production of the album. They also strain and hide bass sections that would greatly improve the music. The noise doesn’t provide an edge as much as it provides irritation, which detracts from the EP’s value.

Despite being very simplistic and immature, the Descendents’ appeal is found in their raw and energetic approach. With a ridiculous flair, they increase their replay value and let the listener discover they have taste buds in their ears! Junk science aside, this album isn’t quite food for thought, but it may be filling if you’re used to small serving sizes.